Free Fiction: B is for Betrayal (2/26)

 I had really gotten into the mood of writing lately and pumped out the next little story in this series much quicker than I had anticipated--especially since the first one seemed to take me much longer to write. I have to put a bit of a warning up that this is a completely unedited/unbeta'd draft, so please go easy on it, if you plan on leaving any comments.

B is for Betrayal is another tale of two men who are long time best friends that have, over the years, fallen for one another, but unable to actually be together except for in stolen private moments.

That out of the way; enjoy, comment, critique and leave your feedback in the comment section below!

Warmth.

There weren't many things that Nicolis could remember nowadays--he'd say due to the fact that his mind was in a constant state of frazzled from studying on top of the full-time job that he somehow managed to hold down--but he could always remember warmth. Everything about Julian was warm; his touch as fingertips danced along Nicolis' skin and sent tiny little pulses of electricity flowing straight to his brain, his breath as they whispered sweet nothings to one another and warmest of all was his bed where all these things would take place. Beneath the thick down comforter, that was their own personal sanctuary.

"I love you,” He would start, before catching himself and correcting the statement, because there was so much more to it than Nicolis simply loving the man. “I'm in love with you..." Nicolis would mumble for the umpteenth time against soft skin, lips leaving a trail of gentle kisses along Julian's neck and up to his perfectly defined jaw. "Completely," each word was laced between a lingering press of lips on skin. Warm, delicious, addicting skin. "Deeply. Madly."

He could say these things here, under the cover of Julian's blankets and within the 4 walls of his bedroom. This was the one and only place that he could say them. As long as the light of daytime never made itself known, Nicolis could say anything and everything that he wanted.

Nicolis could say them and Julian would return each and every sentiment, just as sincere as the words had been spoken to him.

But only until then cruel light of day would sneak beneath Julian's blankets and they would have to return to being nothing more than two best friends. Julian would go back to Kendall, his boyfriend, and Nicolis would return to his own. They’d pass each other in the hallways, share an Economics class on Tuesdays and their lives would go on as though their little secret didn’t exist.

Because in the daylight, it didn’t.

He had never thought he would grow to hate the sun as much as he did now..

"I love you, too." Julian muttered his reply sleepily, lithe fingers finding the others chin and tilting his head back up so their lips could meet in a full, slow kiss. One of many that they had shared that night, and likely one of the few that were left before this came to a halting end.

They'd been up the entire night; all too heated acts finally cooling and frantic touches becoming more relaxed, almost lazy, as they laid tangled up with one another. Skin on skin, because clothes had been long since forgotten about and were discarded somewhere on the floor of Julian’s bedroom. This was just the way they both liked it best. Without having to see the time, Nicolis knew dawn was only right around the corner--birds already chirping outside of the window, the kind of sound the most people enjoyed was one that he found to be one of the worst on earth.

He breathed in the air that Julian breathed out and for the moment they were closer than they'd ever be, almost one being rather than two separate ones.

Almost the couple that they both wished they could be.

Somewhere too far off in the distance, yet too close at the same time, a phone chimed a familiar sound. A sound both of them dreaded at times like this. A sound that meant things were finished until their next meeting--whether that be in a few days or a few weeks.

They both would hope it wasn't the later.

"You have to go, Nic." Julian whispered between a few more lingering kisses, wanting this moment to last so much longer than time would ever allow them. "You know he'll be over soon..." It was a cruel reality that neither of them wanted to face.

“Can’t I just...” Nicolis started, not sure what exactly he was going to ask for. Every morning was the same routine; Kendall would show up at Julian’s apartment, they would go and get breakfast with one another at the Starbucks near campus (Julian liked his Americanos iced, a few splashes of milk and just a dash of sugar. Nicolis had it memorized.) before actually going their separate ways for class. They didn’t have time to see each other as much as they wanted to, so Kendall felt these little morning meetings to be important..

Nicolis found them to be an annoyance.

“I just want to stay here... with you...” He admitted finally, knowing full well that it could never happen like that, but that didn’t stop him from wishing for it. It didn’t stop him from clinging to Julian’s body, or whispering how the other was all his whenever their time together would venture into the more intimate. Sometimes he wondered if Kendall whispered those very same things to him and just the thought made him sick to his stomach.

“I know...” Julian whispered, their lips continuing to meet in those all too familiar, slow kisses. The meeting of lips and tongue such a perfect combination that they both knew was far too easy to get caught up in. “You can see me....” He paused, mentally going over his schedule in hopes that he could find some time where he could have Nicolis all to himself again.

“Don’t make me promises, Jul...” He cut the older man off quickly, one hand cupping his face as they continued their kiss for only a few moments longer, hoping that it would somehow ease the dull ache he was already starting to feel in his chest. It seemed it was only a temporary fix, though, because the moment that Nicolis pulled away to speak again, that familiar pain was back. “We’ll see each other soon.”

He only managed to give the other one more lingering kiss before he was rolling out of the bed and searching the floor for where his clothes had ended up, every few moments giving a quick glance back toward Julian as he dressed himself.

Of all the moments that they spent together, these were the worst ones. Nicolis usually tried to get himself dressed and out of the apartment while Julian was still sleeping--mostly because he knew that he’d only try to find a way to crawl back into bed with the man if they were both awake. They were both so weak with it came to one another, all Julian would have to do was say a few simple words and Nicolis would toss away everything; the classes that he had to get to that day, the boyfriend that he was sure was waiting for him, the shifts that he knew he couldn’t possibly miss and risk losing his only source of income.

“I love you, Nicolis.” Julian muttered softly as he watched the man get dressed, eyelids heavy and bordering right on the edge of sleep.

“I love you too.” Nicolis replied, moving back over to the bed to give Julian one final kiss once he was completely dressed. “Go to sleep.”

There wasn’t another word as he left the apartment, just the heavy feeling that seemed to always accompany him whenever he had to leave Julian’s side.

Outside, dawn was breaking; clouds were hovering low in the sky and the air was thick with the smell of the oncoming storm

Outside it was cold. He missed the warmth.

Free Fiction : A is for Addicts (1/26)

I've been sitting on this little thing for quite a while, I think I had the intention of finishing it or turning it into something more, but a lot of times I start writing things and then never really get around to finishing them. I think that's a common writer problem, isn't it?
But, after reading over this enough times that I have it memorized, editing it around a thousand different times, I think I've finally decided to post it up and let the masses have a go at it :) I plan on making this into a short little anthology type series, going through each letter of the alphabet and making the theme of each story correspond to whatever the one-word title is.

I'm sorry if that isn't making much sense, but my mind is still a little foggy from working all night and I've only just woken up a little bit ago

The first piece in this set is title A is for Addicts. A story of two males struggling with their own addictions to substances and to each other. With that short blurb being said, please enjoy and leave your feedback, comments and other thoughts in the comments.

Triggering content includes: mentions of heavy drug use.

His head fit perfectly into the crook of the younger man’s neck, nose pressing against soft skin as he breathed in that familiar scent.

This was his heaven.

There was nowhere in the entire world he’d rather be than in this spot.

“I love you.” The words fell naturally from his lips, without even a moment of hesitation or the uncaring tone they usually carried. This was something more, one of those rare times when it actually held meaning.

He didn’t have to look up at the other to know exactly what he was doing, the expression that was written plainly on his face, because he’d seen it before--even though it was becoming more rare lately. It was simple, it was a smile. But not just any smile, it was Hunter’s smile.

“I--”

SLAM!

The door closed loudly, jolting the man from his slumber and returning him to reality with a bit of a groan. His eyes opened to catch the younger male stumbling into the apartment and fumbling to get his shoes off near the door.

“Mother fucking--come off.” Hunter cursed at his feet and after a few more moments of struggling, finally had the sneakers off, turning on his heels only to be met by the figure of Colin, sitting straight up on the couch.

  “Where have you been?” Colin’s hand rubbed over his face briefly before grabbing for his phone, checking the time. It didn’t matter though, he was far too groggy to make out the numbers that lit up the small touchscreen. “Do you even know what time it is?”

While he might not have known the correct time, Hunter knew it was well into four in the morning; most of the clubs in their part of town had to close at around two and after parties usually wrapped up a few hours after that, so four was a good assumption, he thought. “I was out,” he shrugged, slipping his jacket off and tossing it onto the arm of the couch as he stumbled over to it.

Colin instantly wished he would’ve pretended to be asleep again. When the other was like this, too strung out on whatever he’d taken that evening, the older male didn’t even want to be around him. Much less conscious enough to try and make conversation. But he didn’t bother to move as Hunter ended up falling on top of him, Colin having to wiggle himself into a completely new position in order to fit on the small cushions of the couch with the other.

“Were you waiting up for me?” Hunter’s words now came out in a bit of a coo, arms wrapping around Colin’s neck, pressing their foreheads together. Hunter’s thick lower lip was merely centimeters away from the older male’s. “Did you miss me?”

“Get off me. You’re fucking high.” The older male grumbled, pushing his arms from around him and trying to shove him away, though failing to even get him to budge. They might’ve been around the same height, but Hunter was a much bigger build than he was. Hell, anyone was a much bigger build than he was, to be honest. “What’re you on tonight? E? K? The whole fucking alphabet?”

Despite being forced to let go of his hold, Hunter laughed loudly, falling back onto the pillow, dark hair contrasting against the white of the pillow case. “C’mon... don’t be like that.” He turned to look up at the older, tongue swiping over his lips as his hand started to trail his shirt upwards.

No.

That combination wasn’t working this evening. Colin had let it go too many times before. His boyfriend would come home completely strung out and despite the fact that he would tell himself not to do it, he would end up giving in to everything that Hunter wanted. It was a cycle and Colin couldn’t manage to find a way out.

If he even wanted out of it.

“I’m not fucking you, Hunter.” He spat out, turning his head to break the eye contact they previously had, knowing that he had such a weakness for the way the man looked at him. “You should’ve went home with someone else for that shit.”

He didn’t mean that. God, he didn’t mean that.

The last thing he wanted was for Hunter to go running off to someone else, despite how much better off he knew he’d be if he just found someone else and moved on with his life, he couldn’t bring himself to leave the other.

Sometimes he wondered if maybe he was confusing love with addiction.

  “Whatever.” His entire demeanor changed in the blink of an eye and in an instant Hunter was pushing himself off of the couch and into a standing position, wobbly steps leading him toward the shower, the phone already to his ear by the time he was pushing open the bathroom door.

Colin knew he wouldn’t leave, this was all just some little show to purposely piss him off, while allowing Hunter to get his rocks off at the same time. It was Hunter’s ego being... in short, Hunter’s ego. He knew it would only last for as long as he allowed it to, knowing full well that he could walk to the door, open it (it’d be unlocked, the lock had been broken on it long ago during some fight that the pair had. The memory was fuzzy to him now, like most all of his memories.) and the man on the other side of it would end that phone call in that instant.

This would, of course, force Colin into having to sleep with the other and he wasn’t the type to back down from something he’d already said. He was a man of his word.

“Shit... You can do that? You gonna show me next time, right?” Hunter’s words, though only a whisper, seemed to echo in the silent apartment, catching Colin’s attention and causing him to clench his eyes closed tightly.

That wasn’t true.

His own voice rang loudly in his head, attempting to block out the sound of his boyfriend in the other room.

He’s lying to them.

He knew how Hunter was, he was a master of words--more importantly a master of telling words that weren’t the truth. The younger male was a liar if there ever was one, but there had always been something about the way he carried himself and his presence that made him believable all the time.

Colin was sure it was that presence that made him fall for the man in the first place.

He could hear him, whispering all those same things that he should’ve been saying to Colin right now. And in his mind he could see him; seated on the bathroom floor, back pressed against the door, pants around his ankles and his hand wrapped tightly around his length, stroking himself.

Hunter was left handed, but he used his right hand to jerk off. It was bright as day in Colin’s mind.

Suddenly his hand was in his pocket, fingers wiggling around in the pocket full of small capsules, digits wrapping around different ones and feeling at their different indentations, blindly identifying the ones that he wanted. This had become such a routine for him that he’d long since memorized how each and every pill felt against his fingers; their shape, texture, even the tiny letters that were etched into them.

By now, he could hear Hunter softly moaning, or was that still in his mind? No matter, it was still more than he wanted to hear and instantly he was dry swallowing down three tiny blue pills he’d fished out from the depths of his pocket.

Colin’s head hit the pillow shortly after, hands coming up to cover his ears, blocking out any more of the sounds that were coming from the bathroom where Hunter was and allowing his eyes to flutter closed, mind slipping back to the drug-induced dream world he’d just been in, hoping he’d find the other Hunter there.

The sunlight was blinding as it found a way to sneak past the curtains that Hunter had just flung open. “You fell asleep on the couch again.” He mumbled to the man that was still lying there, groggily looking around the room in an attempt to get his bearings back. Waking up from these drug-induced sleeps was always a difficult task for Colin.

“You didn’t wake me up to move me?” Colin’s question fell on deaf ears, Hunter having already made his way to the kitchen to start up breakfast. The older man couldn’t honestly remember the last time he’d fell asleep in the bed with his boyfriend. The times seemed too few and far between, it probably would’ve actually felt awkward to be curled up with Hunter in the same bed.

At least while he was sober.

Hunter seemed to always be a lot more affectionate when drugs were flowing through his system and Colin had something of a love/hate relationship with it. On the one hand, he could pretend that they were like every other couple they knew; completely in love with one another, the way they had been when they’d first met.

On the other hand, Colin knew that it would all fade soon enough and Hunter would return to the cold person that he’d somehow become. He didn’t know what was more heartbreaking.

“Are you going to eat? I’ve got a class in about an hour, so I’m gonna go soon.” Hunter explained his day, pulling himself out a bowl and filling it with both milk and cereal.

He honestly had no intentions of going to class, he hadn’t been to class more than 4 times this entire year, it was a miracle that he was even still enrolled at the university. His family had money and influence, though, and if Hunter told them that he wanted to keep going, then they’d keep paying and ‘putting in a word with the right people’. He wasn’t a stupid kid by any means and when he was actually trying in school he was in the top of his class.

Now, though, he was just some tweaked out, failing art student. What Colin always considered to be talent going to waste. While Hunter still allowed 95% of his life to be consumed by art (their apartment was full of sketchpads and art supplies everywhere you looked), he was in no way putting his skills to use how they should’ve been.

He should’ve been out painting murals on buildings or selling all the thousands of pieces that were haphazardly tossed about the apartment.

Colin was no better, of course, he was just some--literally--starving model. He wasn’t a big name, by any means, but he had enough photoshoots and gigs to get by at the end of every month when the landlord came knocking--mostly online boutiques or local shops who wanted him to pose for some flyer they planned on making for an upcoming sale. He honestly would’ve had a whole lot more if most of his money didn’t end up getting poured into the pills that he continuously swallowed down.

“No, I’m not hungry.” This was no surprise. Colin ate maybe once a day and often said he didn’t want to eat more than 500 calories. It was one of Hunter’s biggest pet peeves to watch the older man sit around and count up the amount of calories he’d taken in the whole day so he could figure out just how many diet pills he could safely take.

Colin had overdosed on the medication one too many times than he’d like to remember and was a bit more careful now with them. The doctors warning him that he’d have to go to a real rehabilitation center if he ended up there again. Of all the many things Colin feared, actually having to spend time in rehab was one. Rehab was for people who had a problem, an addiction and coming to terms with the fact that he’d somehow turned into one of those people terrified him.

They quickly changed to a new primary doctor, Colin swearing up and down that the previous one didn’t have a clue what he was talking about. Hunter simply went along with it, he’d long since stopped caring about his boyfriend and the addiction he never wanted to admit to having.

"Are you really going to class today?" Colin questioned, digging through the pocket of his pajama pants and eventually pulling out a handful of pills, eyes focused on the tiny capsules in search of which ones he wanted to take. He often felt shamed by Hunter when he did this and always tried to do it when Hunter was distracted, or simply not looking in his direction. "Or are you just saying that and you're really going to get high with your friends?" His words were bitter, knowing very well that his boyfriend (the more Colin thought about it, the more loose of a term it was becoming between the two of them.) wouldn't be making it to any classes.

And maybe Colin was slightly hurt by the fact he'd choose drugs over spending time with him. When was the last time they'd even hung out together?

Hunter was too occupied in both his bowl of cereal, but more importantly a text message on his phone to even bother with looking up at the older male, simply scarfing down the rest of his breakfast before picking his bookbag off the floor and flinging it over his shoulder. "What do you think? You're a smart kid, Colin, you'll figure it out." His eyes rolled back into his head as he bent down to stuff his feet into his Nike's and messily tie the laces together. One foot and then the next in complete silence.

"Why don't you stay with me today? We could go out..." The elder spoke softly, fingers wrapped tightly around his handful of pills.

And he should've expected the look Hunter gave him; a skeptical raise of a brow tossed over his shoulder as he shook his head, not bothering to actually answer the other as he pulled his hoodie on and left the apartment, the sound of his heavy footsteps moving down the stairs echoing in the silence Colin was left in.

But who is Sammy Lynn?

Blogging isn't something I've ever really been that good at, or really stuck to for any long period of time. I sort of flit here and there between things, writing down thoughts when I feel like it. I'm more apt to write a physical journal than to blog, which is something that I always found odd.

Maybe it's something to do with the privacy of it all?

This isn't that kind of place though.

I'm just an average girl named Sammy, a girl with stars in her eyes and a love for writing, reading, and the arts. I think I've been writing for fun since I was in middle school, possibly even before that. If I were to look back on those things, then I would likely cringe at how bad they were. But, we all have to start somewhere, don't we?

This is my venture into the world of writing as a profession, I'm in the midst of working on a few things; one of which is a typical romantic non-fiction of a woman trying to make it in the world and her venture into the world of love, based loosely on my own experiences and those that I have heard or seen from others. It's a pretty new project and I hope to have it finished sometime soon. Then there is my zombie novel, one that I have been working on, on and off for quite a while.

I'm hoping that soon enough I can become published, whether it be on a small scale or on a larger one, but more than anything I just want my work out there for others to (hopefully) enjoy.

Aside from various updates on my projects, this space will be filled with short blurbs that I have no intention of sending off and anything with possibly NSFW content will be labeled as such. Hopefully this is a good starting place and a good way to connect with other writers, get some feedback on my work and improve even more.

Until then, though!